Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
