Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
