I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
