The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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