I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dick very happy bro
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
