is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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