i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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