Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
