he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
