im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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