I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
