smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
