What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
