This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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