I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
