I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
