I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
