Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
