i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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