I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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