Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
