he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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