Porn is love you can see.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
