I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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