are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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