Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
