Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
