I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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