If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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