meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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