Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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