you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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