Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
