I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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