I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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