Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
