And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
