i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
