I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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