people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
