I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize