I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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