3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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