does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
