Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize