I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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