i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
