Me too!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
