Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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