Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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