are you so shy because you have an std?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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