Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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