Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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