he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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