she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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