Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
