he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
