People in love make me want to vomit
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we made out on top of his cat.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
