he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
