I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
