You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
