someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't deserve a penis
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize