it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
