Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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