I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
