She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
