Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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