im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
