I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
