So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
