I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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