His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
