No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
