it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just found a bag of teeth...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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