Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Let's paint friendship bongs
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
