Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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