She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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