That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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