I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize