If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I need a beard to bite.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The cops high fived after they tackled you
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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