The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
