I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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