he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Randomize
