i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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