so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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