dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
