is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
