Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My pussy is not your playground.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
