I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
