so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
