either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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