what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize