You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I could fuck to npr.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
