did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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