I threw up into my coffee this morning.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
