Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
