so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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